GETTING RID OF THE TOXIC IN YOUR LIFE


Some of you may have thought by this title that I was talking about the toxins in our body, LOL. Of course we want to get rid of those too but I'm talking about toxic people. It's a very difficult subject for some of us to broach. You all know me, you know I try to be uplifting and encouraging. We don't have to be perfect to be good people. However, no matter how much we all try to be nice people and how I know in my heart nobody that's a blogger is a Bee-atch, we all currently have or have had toxins in our life.



My mantra for 2017 is Choosing Happiness. If that means removing toxins in my happiness journey, so be it. Good people are what great lives are made of and those are the kind of people I want to surround myself with.




If someone is causing damage to your life, then they are toxic and should be dealt with accordingly. We should love everyone but we certainly don't have to like them if they are causing us distress. People who suck the life out of you with negative attitudes, constant complaining, lies, gossip, selfishness, rude behavior and mean spiritedness are damaging you in a way that can cause your health to slip, your mind to race, cause you to second guess yourself and become anxious or depressed.


This past year was rough in spots. It makes me so sad that ill-willed human beings like this even exist. Some people close to me and myself were unfortunately in the company of a toxin. I believe in second chances, even 3rd ones in some instances, but after that, I'm done. Playing the victim gets real old after months and months. The people this toxic person was affecting were deeply frustrated. Our health suffered, our sleep schedules suffered and our minds, bodies and psyches were taxed to the fullest.



This time of year especially, many of us don't hesitate to cut toxins from our diet, nor do we think twice about removing toxic substances from areas where your children and pets play or our homes, so why is it that we are so hesitant to remove toxic people from our lives? The most obvious reason is that most of us like to avoid conflict and don’t want to hurt another human being’s feelings.



For some people, the toxic might be those closest to us so it's not always something you can get rid of. If you've been bending over backwards to make this relationship work, stop. Just STOP!! However if it's something that can be kissed good riddance from your life, do it now! Even those you can't, can be distanced.


Ways to rid the poison of a toxic person from your life or at least distance yourself from them.

Set boundaries and never ever apologize for them.
If people don’t respect your boundaries, they aren’t respecting you. Make a list of your own personal boundaries and don't be afraid to call that person out in them if they cross those boundaries. 

Keep in mind that many toxic people will not leave easily.
Sometimes the toxic don't just go away, they become irrational, angry, or act like they are the victims. Don’t beat around the bush or defend yourself; tell toxic people the truth and be consistent and firm in your decision.

Recognize the signs of person and don't assume they're just annoying.
You have to learn to recognize the signs that a person is toxic, or it won’t be long before the seeds of toxicity make it more difficult to cut the ties. You must learn to protect yourself from toxic people in the same way you protect yourself from getting sick by washing your hands and avoiding contact with infected people. If a person makes you feel uncomfortable, they're probably toxic.

Delete them on social media. Block them on your phone.
Yep, no need for Debbie Downers on things that should make you happy, make you laugh, lift you up. I once had to block someone on Pinterest of all things. This includes toxic trolls stalking your blog or your media.

It really is OK to say I never want to see you again or simply walk away.
Plain & Simple. In your mind, you'll probably be saying; "Dont let the door hit ya!" What a relief! 


Honestly, I've been lucky; the few toxic people I've had in my life, I've been able to walk away from and I've never ONCE regretted that.


The truth is that we need people, but we don’t need every relationship. Surround yourself with positive people who bring you up, rather than drag you down. You don’t have to sacrifice your sanity because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. You can be a good person without bending to the will of those who damage you with their own selfishness. 


You deserve to be happy. Choose happiness!
And if you're feeling down........
This is the kind of friend and family member I choose to be.

Have you ever had to deal with a toxic person? What did you do?

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xoxo

50 comments:

  1. Gosh, I really needed to read this. Thank you!

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  2. Toxic relationships really can take a toll on you and sometimes you don't even realize it until you've separated yourself from them. It's not always easy but you do feel so much better afterwards. Thank you for sharing this!

    Jill
    Doused In Pink

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  3. Yes, yes, yes! You hit the nail on the head with this one and those Blunt Cards are fantastic!

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  4. So much truth in this...I have zero time for the toxic people in my life and therefore will be working on this too. Thanks for this post!

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  5. Good morning, girl! This is a post I can relate to 1000000%! I almost wish I would have known you were going to post it and I would have did a sister post to it! A few years ago I shared my cutting the toxic people out post. At the time I shared how I had to end the relationship with my dad. I also had to face that a lot of the people I considered friends were actually not real friends and they had to be snipped out too. It was hard but at the same time it alleviated so much stress and unhappiness. Of course due to life I allowed my dad back in (unfortunately he is a roller coaster that I had to learn how to handle) but with a new knowledge of how he operates! Andrea, you are a sunshine in so many lives. I appreciate you so much and love you like a bestie. xo

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  6. Such great advice Andrea! I definitely had to grow into this one over the years but I am pretty sure I've got it down now. No room for this kind of relationship in my life.

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  7. Such wonderful advise! I love this so much, we sometimes are so unaware of toxic people in our life. Such a wonderful post! Wishing you a wonderful start to the week!
    xoxo,Victoria
    www.coffeeandablonde.blogspot.com

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  8. This is one of my goals for 2017!! I actually have a couple friends who I haven't spoken to for awhile because of their negativity! And I know it's for the best... This is great Andrea! :)


    Brittany :)
    www.kingdomofsequins.com

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  9. Love the message behind this post! This was a huge lesson for me to learn after college and I feel like I'm truly in a place where everyone in my life just adds light and positivity! Such a great post Andrea!

    www.rosyoutlookblog.com

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  10. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with a toxic person, Andrea! And you are so right, the only thing you can do is remove the toxic person from your life. Many years ago, I also had a toxic person in my life. It took me many, many years to finally cut the ties, and I haven't ever regretted it.

    Wishing you much happiness in 2017!

    Andrea
    Andrea’s Wellness Notes

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  11. I'm so sorry you had to deal with a toxic situation last year. I know it really drags you down, and affects everything from sleep to other relationships. I have a term for toxic people - kryptonite. It's like they just drain all your energy! Have a happy Monday!

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  12. Dear Andrea: Very true and I loved reading this post! Glad you're choosing happiness! Getting rid of toxic people is so important! There's no harm in doing so since this is your life and you decide on your own happiness.
    Sending much love your way!
    xoxo, Vanessa
    www.WhatWouldVWear.com

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  13. I love this post, Andrea! This is also one of my goals for 2017. Toxic people really can take a toll on your life and the best and only way to deal with that is eliminating them for your life. I love all the images you picked for the post, too -- the quotes are spot on! Have a great start to the week!

    xo, Rachel
    A Blonde's Moment

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  14. Such a great reminder Andrea and some great tips. If you don't surround yourself with positivity, it's almost impossible to have a happy life. Ridding toxic things/people is something to definitely always be mindful of. Thanks for sharing this!

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  15. Great post Andrea ! I've had to remove people off of my Facebook who constantly posted such negative stuff regarding their political beliefs ! I try to rid myself of these toxic people and you're right they don't leave easily !!! I find that when you surround yourself with people that inspire and lift you up those people bring out the very best in us.

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  16. YES! Could not love this post more! Amazing advice, and removing and/or blocking negativity on social media lifts a huge weight off. I always feel so refreshed <3
    Green Fashionista

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  17. Such a great post, Andrea! I am really trying to work on who I spend time with. I really learned who my "true friends" were when my dad died - especially when I had someone I thought was a friend take me to lunch - and then proceed to tell me it was "time to move on and get over it" - about six months after he died! Not an uplifting/understanding friend.

    Lisa
    Daily Style Finds

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  18. Such an awesome post to start the week off with, Andrea! Funny enough, since we have moved all of my friends stopped talking to me and I don't really have many friends now. I see that as a blessing in disguise. And maybe they were a bit toxic as well. Loved this post!
    xo, Lily
    Beauty With Lily

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  19. I LOVE this post. Great tips, and wonderful points. I like when you stated "we need people. We do not need every relationship." How true is that?!?! Also, I loved your tips. It can be so hard to cut out the toxins, and even leave you feeling like you did the wrong thing, but after a couple of days it is what is needed. Thanks for sharing!

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  20. I am so slow to do this. I give people way more chances than they deserve. However, once I finally do make the decision to cut someone out, I make a clean break.

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  21. I think there are so many people in this world that are toxic to others & that blows my mind. The hard part is when you HAVE to be around them. Work or family. You cant as easily cut them out as much as you want. It's learning to not give them the control of toxicity, I think ;)
    I love this post. I needed it more than you can imagine today.

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  22. Definitely a good reminder... even if it is hard to execute sometimes. There is no reason to let somebody else's drama poison your life. It's hard enough as it is sometimes, no need to have somebody else drag you down!

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  23. I love this post! Nothing like finally freeing yourself of a toxic person or people and the drama that surrounds them.
    Loved reading this.

    xx, Elise

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  24. Five years ago I had to walk away from my best friend - and we had been best friends for over 30 years. She had become so toxic and was causing me and my family so much pain. It's still hard because she only lives 5 miles away and continues to call, text and email me often. But I have stood my ground and I'm a much happier person without her in my life. Great post Andrea! And I agree - choose happiness :)!

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  25. This is such a great post, and perfect for January when we are cutting out everything that we don't need in other parts of our lives. Toxic people really can cause us more pain than a slightly bad diet, so we shouldn't let those relationships continually effect us!

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  26. Yes to chose happiness and getting rid of toxic people. So sorry you had to deal with that this past year, it's no fun. Hard to walk away from really good friends, as I have had to do this past year...so hard and I'm still so sad about it.

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  27. I'm currently having to deal with this now, and let me tell you - it can be hard to get rid of some nasty people who just can't get the hint! But I've been trying to follow the "block and walk" moto, and it's working for me so far! And these pics all made me laugh! Not gonna lie - i just saved a few!! XOXO

    Shauna

    www.lipglossandlace.net

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  28. Ugh, it can be hard to get toxic people out of your life sometimes. I really try to distance myself from these kind of people as much as possible, but it is hard if its someone close to you!

    Carrie
    curlycraftymom.com

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  29. Thoughtful post. I definitely agree that people can be toxic and there comes a point when it is between to respectfully set boundaries to maintain health in your own life.

    Amy Ann
    Straight A Style

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  30. What a great topic! Love this :)

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  31. Removing toxic relationships can be so tough but once you can be upfront honest and say "I don't have time for this in my life" it is the biggest lift of pressure from your shoulders. It's not easy but it's so worth it. Great advice my beautiful friend!

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  32. BRILLIANT advice. It is such a hard, yet necessary, thing to do. Ultimately, in my experience, the hardest part of getting rid of toxic people is that feeling of guilt for hurting another. Just another instance where we need to prioritize our own experiences and feelings over that of another.
    Also, don't cut me... i'm not THAT negative ;) I mean, you obviously have to wait til AFTER May to make that call at least ;) xo

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  33. It's unfortunate but I've had a similar situation where a very good friend of mine for years/bridesmaid in my wedding became so toxic due to her own unhappiness that I had to cut loose. I tried to help but when they only respond negatively and lash out, you know it's toxic. Your post is so on point with friendships and relationships that have this toxicity and the best thing is to break free for your own well-being, as hard as it may be.

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  34. I actually assumed this was about toxic people because I think so often, they can do more damage than the other kind (especially if they're family members). I definitely agree with cutting them out of your life, but sometimes (like at work or with a family member) you can't, so you have to learn to deal with them differently. I know my husband had this situation with his father, but figured out a way to still honor him and take care of him in his old age, yet not allow himself to get sucked into the toxicity.

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  35. THIS.IS.EVERYTHING.

    I love everything about this post and can relate. (God, can I relate!) It's true though, you have to get rid of the toxic people or they will without question, poison you too. Most relevant post I've read today. THANK YOU!

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  36. I was in a similar situation during my late teenage years, and I was finally able to drop that toxic relationship in my early twenties. It has felt SO GOOD all of these years... until her son ended up in Olivia's class last year and I had to start seeing her at all of the class parties. It was soooo awkward! Fortunately they are not in the same class this year, and Olivia will be moving to another school when she turns 4, so I won't have to deal with it anymore. Haha.

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  37. Wow, what an inspirational post Andrea! I agree with you, and the older I get, the easier it is to cut the toxic people out of my life. I just want to be happy and enjoy life, no bs or drama!

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  38. This is great! Removing toxic people is essential to your own personal happiness! This is something that I have learned early on in life and it is probably one of the best lessons. It can be so hard to let some people go without feeling guilt but I believe that it is better to walk away from a bad situation to open possibilities for great situations to happen! Thanks for this! I am glad I found your post on Turn it Up Tuesday!
    -Lyndsey

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  39. This is such a great post! I wish I would have learned this lesson a lot earlier than I did. I had to cut a toxic friend out of my life and it was been so freeing, except when out mutual friends who were not affected in the same way come around because they don't understand and want us to all hang out. It is a tough transition, but so worth it!

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  40. Hi! Thanks for sharing this. I loved all the eCards, lol! I am all about cutting out the toxic and needed a little boost to help me remember that it is, in fact, the right thing to do. Sometimes I feel its my Christian duty to put up with people's junk, but I have to remind myself that being a Christian doesn't make me a doormat! Have a lovely day. :)

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  41. This is a post that most of us can relate to, and hopefully have eliminated that toxic person from our lives. I worked for two different toxic women and felt so free when I walked away. Some people aren't necessarily toxic (by being psychologically damaging) but they can suck the oxygen right out of a room with their complaining, whining and overall negative attitude. Andrea, I love your attitude. Life is too short to be down, xoxo

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  42. This is so relatable - really helpful reading, thank you!

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  43. Thanks for this post, I feel that there are many people that understand me. I have some toxic people in my life but it's hard to stop seeing them when they are family :(

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  44. Love this post and its truth! Toxicity exists in many things but people always forget that it can be present in relationships between one another. This has been so affirming and reassuring to read, thank you :) #brilliantblogposts

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  45. Ive stopped seeing a few of my 'toxic' friends... I suddenly realised that If I didn't make the effort to see them i don't think I would se them at all! And I was right... it is harder with one of the most toxic people in my life right now as she happens to be my little sister so I can't cut her out... distance is good but she is a Maid of Honour at my wedding an a couple of months and Im dreading it (boy do I regret that decision now!) <3 #brilliantblogposts

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  46. Definitely agree that there's no point staying in touch with someone who is only making you miserable. Sadly, I've had to purge several toxic friendships in my life. It's difficult and sad, but reducing the drama in your life is so worth it.

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  47. Great post! With age brings wisdom ( in most cases lol) and I've learned to let go of people who were detrimental to my happiness and wellbeing. I'm cordial, but I will never allow them to be in my life at the capacity they once were. It takes a strong person to do that!! #turnitupTuesdays

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  48. I love your point that we need people but not every relationship. A lot of people I feel get "trapped" in toxic relationships due to loneliness and don't realize what letting go of those people can do for them. Thanks for sharing your tips at Merry Monday this week!

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  49. You make a really important point here. It's not always easy to get rid of toxic people, especially if you have to live with them! #brillblogposts

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